tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC December 23, 2015 12:37am-1:37am EST
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- shaquille o'neal, from "transparent," actress judith light, comedian mike o'brien. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. let's get to the news. president obama gave a rare national address last night from the oval office.
of "house hunters." [ laughter ] "ooh, i like that. i know what i'd do over there. okay, great." donald trump this evening said he wants to see a total and complete shutdown of muslims entering the united states. well, if he's elected, any country will probably be trampled to death by all the people leaving the country. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] donald trump marked the anniversary of the attack on pearl harbor today with a campaign rally aboard a world war ii era aircraft carrier. not to be outdone, jeb bush is conducting his entire campaign on a sinking ship. [ laughter ] [ applause ] give him time. he'll figure it out. [ laughter ] a new poll has found that half of the country thinks donald trump's statements on the campaign trail are insulting and
of the country thinks his statements are insultante y ofensiva. [ applause ] bernie sanders has released his plan to move the u.s. to a 100% clean energy system sustained by solar and wind power, and i'm kind of surprised bernie is pro-wind, since wind has always been so anti-bernie. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so happy about it. such a good mood about that. hillary clinton laid out her plans for financial reform in a "new york times" op-ed today, promising to impose tougher rules on wall street and go after, quote, "bad-acting executives." and there's no greater bad acting executive than the president of papa john's. [ laughter ] oh, hey. peyton manning, what a surprise to see you here. [ laughter ] have you heard about our sausage
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] last night was the first night of hanukkah. as most of you know, hanukkah is the jewish holiday that lasts for eight consecutive spellings. [ laughter ] that's right, ha -- [ laughter ] that's right, hanukkah began last night and will continue until next monday. and i for one think it's unfair that jewish people get eight days of hanukkah and we only get to celebrate christmas from the day after thanksgiving until the new year. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ihop announced last week that they will be taking soda off the kids' menu due to concerns over childhood obesity. though it won't make much
serves its food in stacks. [ laughter ] no soda for you. can i have another stack? [ laughter ] you bet. according to the pantone color institute, rose quartz and serenity are the two colors of the year for 2016. incidentally, rose quartz and serenity were also the strippers of the year for 2015. [ laughter ] [ applause ] give it up for rose quartz! up next, serenity! some parenting experts are suggesting that the holiday tradition of the elf on the shelf may actually be harmful to children. so instead just take them to the mall and let them sit on a weird old dude's lap. [ laughter ] and finally, johns hopkins university announced today they
states. so for the time being, don't answer any craigslist ads. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have -- [ cheers and applause ] -- what could only be described as a great show for you tonight. he is an nba legend, he is a friend of the show. shaquille o'neal -- [ cheers and applause ] -- is back with us tonight. critically-acclaimed amazon series "transparent." judith light is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and if you haven't been watching "transparent," you need to change that immediately. also, he has a new comedy album called "tasty radio." comedian mike o'brien, a dear friend of mine is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] very much looking forward to talking to him and catching up. but before we get to all of that, president obama addressed the nation in the wake of last week's shooting in san bernardino, california. for more on this, it's time for
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now, one of the biggest criticisms of obama's speech came from republicans, who refusal to use one phrase in particular. >> republican presidential candidates, however, are disappointed the president won't call isis "radical islamic terrorists." >> we're at war with radical islamic terrorism, and this president continues to deny that. there are no radical buddhists that are doing this, this is radical islamic terrorism. the words "radical islamic terrorism"? >> it is the responsibility of muslims around the world to root out misguided ideas that lead to radicalization. a perverted interpretation of islam -- this was an act of terrorism. >> seth: so he used the words "radical," "islam" and "terrorism," he just didn't use them in the right order. [ light laughter ] which would be a problem if it was a spell and he was harry potter, but he's not. [ laughter ] so it isn't. [ applause ] now, president obama's goal last
over terrorism, fears that have been stoked by a media that, in the aftermath of the shooting, went bat [ bleep ] crazy, especially when they got access to the suspects' apartment. >> now cnn is getting its first look inside the shooters' home. >> as you can see, media from all over the world just within the past couple minutes. i've been let in here. >> unfortunately, there appears to be a little bit of a -- little bit of a pushing and shoving. >> it now is just neighbors walking in. these are no longer solely members of the media. there is a woman with a dog. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's right. the media frenzy was so crazy, a woman took her dog into the house. [ laughter ] although to be fair, the dog was actually renowned reporter, bob woofward. [ laughter ] [ applause ] got a little pencil, got a so the media ransacked the house like they just won a locker on "storage wars," but still the insanity of the scene outside
was going on inside -- reporters picking up random objects and speculating wildly about what they saw. >> i see receipts for stores, normal store purchases. i see lotions and creams. >> we have an lg monitor. >> we have a check here from chase. >> over here is one of these sort of all-in-one -- all-in-one printers and scanners. [ laughter ] >> dream eyes. bright dream eyes. bright eyes dreamy. >> here's some mixed nuts with peanuts. >> seth: this is a terrible episode of "cribs." [ laughter ] [ applause ] the worst one i've ever seen. so cnn and msnbc ran wild with endless speculation and conjecture about the attacks, but hysteria like that isn't helpful in trying to understand what happened, which is why fox news showed much more restraint when it came to entering the house. bravo, fox news. unfortunately, that was really the only time they showed restraint. >> the mass killings in san bernardino are an embarrassment to president obama.
to bring in more refugees and then we see the kind of carnage they wreak. >> maybe what we need to do in this country is to say for the next 12 months we are suspending all visas of people from muslim nations. >> some say we should be blaming political correctness. it's literally killing america now. >> listen, if somebody named sayyid leaves your party and people say, "why is sayyid leaving?" you know what? call the cops. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is the cruelest proposal i've heard yet. due to islamophobia, muslims now have to stay until the end of office holiday parties. [ laughter ] the end of holiday parties are the worst part. the alcohol is gone, janet from accounting is trying to get you to drink a windex and tonic. somebody is trying to drunk dial their ex on a fax machine. when a person leaves a holiday party early, i don't think, "there goes a terrorist." i think "that lucky son of a bitch must have something better to do." [ laughter ] so there were a lot of crazy but eventually, the conversation turned to gun control, which upset many conservatives.
marco rubio for example argued that advocates of gun control are missing an even bigger problem. >> when it first came out, without even knowing anything about the case, the first thing they started talking about was gun control and gun control. i don't hear anybody talking about bomb control. >> seth: yeah, that's right! bomb control! [ laughter ] why aren't bombs illegal? [ laughter ] how come you can just walk into any walmart and go to the bomb aisle and buy a bomb, no questions asked? um -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh, wait. bombs are illegal. although nobody told johnny depp. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah, i'll drag you into this. and yet, that wasn't even the weirdest argument against gun control made by a presidential candidate last week. mike huckabee somehow found a way to one-up rubio. >> this is absurd, because it was not so much which weapon was
it was the intent of the killer. look, a pencil is an assault weapon if you put it in the hand of somebody who wants to kill you. >> seth: i'll say this. if someone kicked in my door and said "get ready to die," i would be a whole lot happier if they were holding a [ bleep ] pencil. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "don't you move! i'm coming for you! i'm coming for you!" so you're likely to hear a lot of contentions back and forth talk about terrorism and gun control over the next few weeks. but at least we as americans can come together in the face of tragedy and remain civil, as demonstrated today by fox news contributor ralph peters, who offered his take on obama's speech. >> i mean, this guy is such a total pussy, it's stunning. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, it's stunning. this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with
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if i'm being honest, about have fred back on the show is that that -- i feel like we're living in a great time of television, there's so many great shows out there. but if i have a oblem, it's that i don't have the time to watch everything that's on tv. now fred claims that he watches every episode of every television show on television at any given time. [ laughter ] you stand by that. >> fred: oh, yes. >> seth: okay, you do. [ laughter ] so that means it's time once again for "fred armisen's extremely accurate tv recaps." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: all right. so fred, you know how this works. i went into the old tv guide and i looked up the title of a show that is currently on tv and i'm going to give you the title and you're going to tell me what happened last night on this show. >> fred: okay. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] show is called "da vinci's demons." >> fred: oh, "da vinci's demons", yeah. [ laughter ] it's great. have you watched it? have you seen it? >> seth: no, i haven't watched it. >> fred: oh, none of the episodes? >> seth: no, not one.
>> seth: no, well -- okay. links. i mean, you have -- it's so good. >> seth: that's great. so you are a fan of "da vinci's demons." >> fred: yes. >> seth: okay. >> fred: so it's, like, kind of a prequel. [ laughter ] to -- you know, like -- it's like da vinci -- like he's done so much art and everything. so it's a prequel to before he started making the art. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> fred: so what happens is these demons come out. and so it's very kind of super hero-ish. and there's three demons and they're named demon one and demon two and demon c. [ laughter ] and they come out and they're just staring at him, they're like, "oh, you're going to make art, huh?" [ laughter ] and so he's like, "who do i listen to?" so, he starts making art and it's just a very silent meditation on him making all this art. >> seth: and what are these demons doing during the silent meditation? >> fred: pacing. [ laughter ] they pace in such an evil way. they'll kind of, like, look down at him and he'll keep going. and it's just, like, building up to the finale is going to be when he finally shows off his inventions and art and
of. so, it's all -- and he's really -- he's super young. it's not like da vinci with all the hair and beard and stuff. it's kind of combed-back hair and kind of like greasy. like, you know -- >> seth: wait. it sounds like he's from the 1950s. [ laughter ] >> fred: well, it's got that affectation to it, but it's young da vinci. he's really, like, active. >> seth: and are these demons played by actors or are they cgi? >> fred: it's one actor who on screen he changes costume. like you see it happen. [ laughter ] yeah, it's great. >> seth: that's great. well, now according to the tv guide, last night's episode was a former nemesis returns to florence to stand in opposition -- >> fred: yeah. >> seth: to crusade efforts. leo attempts to decipher the turkish army. >> fred: uh-huh. [ light laughter ] uh-huh, that's in there, that's implied. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. give it up for fred, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] you guys, our first guest tonight is a four-time nba champion, a 15-time nba
all-star mvp. he's currently an nba analyst on tnt. please welcome back to the show, shaquille o'neal. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back! very happy to have you here! [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you? >> i also watch "da vinci's demons." [ laughter ] >> seth: with fred, right? 1,000 percent. way to go, fred. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i want to start by asking you -- a lot of news this week, kobe bryant announced his retirement. it must be hard -- for you, when know you were making the right decision? obviously, retirement is very good to you, but it must be hard to walk away from the game.
career-ending injury. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> i had a two-year deal. i wanted to play the first year and then prepare for the whole shaq tour thing. but -- so i had to make my announcement early. you know, the problem with mega-stars is when you play at a high level for so long and then you come back down to normality, it doesn't look right, it doesn't feel right. you start to question yourself, like, is it really time to do something else? so, like, when you see kobe bryant with 12 or 13 points, that's not the kobe we know, love and remember. so when he made the announcement, i wasn't really surprised. he's been doing it for so long. 20 years. >> seth: he made his announcement -- he wrote a poem. that's how he did it. he published a poem where he announced. >> no, he didn't. >> seth: what? >> he did? [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. yeah, he wrote a poem. >> oh, like roses are red, violets are blue type thing? >> seth: pretty close. >> no way. no way. >> seth: pretty close. >> seiously? >> seth: yeah. so you'd never consider a poem for yourself when you -- >> no. nothing. [ laughter ] >> seth: no. >> no. >> seth: did you consider a rap?
>> no. >> seth: okay. >> no raps, no movies. a poem, seriously? >> seth: yeah, he did it with a poem. >> you're pulling my leg, seth. stop it. >> seth: it's not a bad poem. >> let me hear it. >> seth: i don't remember much. it's a lot of like -- it's very wistful. he talks about, i used to roll up socks and pretend i was in the forum and shooting last-minute shots. [ laughter ] it's better than what i'm doing -- [ laughter and applause ] but not, not like -- >> 'cause that wasn't a poem. >> seth: no, that can be -- poems now can be anything. they don't have to rhyme. they can be anything. >> oh, they can be anything? >> seth: you can get away with anything as a poem these days, believe me. one of the other things that is very important, obviously, in retirement is taking care of your money and saving your money. which you've obviously done a very good job with. but is this -- when you're a rookie, a little different. i mean, obviously, you had a pretty big contract when you started. but, is it true that you -- after you got drafted, basically -- or after you signed your first contract, you spent
>> yes, it's very true. you know, a lot of times when you get to $1 million, you forget about fica. whoever fica is, i want to kill him. [ laughter ] i want to kill him. you forget about fica and paying taxes and all that. >> seth: fic those guys. >> so i thought my million was a million. so, you know -- and we're going to talk simple math now. so, i went and got a car for 150, a black mercedes-benz, always wanted one. so i get home, my father said, "okay, that's nice, where's mine?" [ light laughter ] so in my mind, 150 minus a million, i've got 850 left. so i go buy him one, come home, my mom says where's hers. do the same thing. so, at the end of the day, i spent about $700,000. now with fica, whoever fica is. fica, i'm gonna meet you, fica. [ laughter ] what i realized was my check was only about $600,000. but i bought three cars, i bought a couple suits, had to buy some earrings and some jewelry. and i got a call from the banker the next day and he said, "you know you spent all your money?" and i was like, "no, no, i didn't. i only spent $600,000 and i've got $400,000 left."
fica. [ laughter ] i'm gonna get you, fica. >> seth: well, you're lucky things worked out. >> yeah, so at that point i said, "you know what, let me slow down and do things the right way." >> seth: well, it's nice at least that you were spending on your family as well. that's a good way to do it. now, i want to talk about this nba season. let's start with the warriors off to a historic start. undefeated, what is it? 20-0 now? >> i think it's 22-0. >> seth: 22-0. >> yes, 22-0. >> seth: are they going to have this season that beats the bulls' record for wins in a season? >> they potentially can. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> you know, at first i thought that their record was but the way these guys are playing now, they're just playing awesome. i mean, like, steph curry to me is a player i've never seen before. let me explain. you know, coming in -- growing up, you see big guards, magic johnson, big o, guys like that. when i was playing, big guards. jordan, penny hardaway, lebron. this guy reminds me of -- where's my thing at? this is what steph curry reminds me of when i see him. he reminds me of a cute little baby boy.
so little and so cute. i just want to kiss him every time i see him. [ laughter ] but he's killing right now. he's just so dominant right now. the things he's doing, he's bringing the excitement to the game. but again, he's just so cute -- >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> when i look at him. he really is. he's like -- he's adorable. [ light laughter ] >> seth: now, on the other side of the standings, the 76ers, philadelphia. one win. they're not a good basketball team. they're a young basketball team and they seem like they have a plan. what -- have you -- [ laughter ] you never -- i mean, in your career, in your rookie year, have you ever played on a team that was that sort of helpless? [ laughter ] >> my first year we were 41-41. >> seth: so you've never been on a loser. >> no, never. what is it -- what must it be like for those guys in the night? can you even imagine? >> no. [ laughter ] if i was them, i would never go out. >> seth: do you think --
>> seth: what? >> seth: oh, yeah, we should. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> you want to do it right now? >> seth: an ode to philly. ready, i'm going to help you. >> seth: okay. >> philadelphia 76ers. >> seth: yep. >> seth and shaq is our name. >> seth: okay, great. is this part of the poem now? >> yes. you guys should never go out, you should work on your game. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's very good. would be like, "that's not a poem." that's a poem. that's one rhyme. >> right. >> seth: when you were younger, you also messed around with football for a while, right? >> yeah, i did. >> seth: so what in the end made you pick basketball over football? >> well, two things. a little twerp your size hit me in my knee. [ light laughter ] >> seth: uh-huh. >> and i was like, this sport ain't for me. >> seth: yeah. and he's dead, right? he died right away? [ laughter ] >> no, he actually hit me so hard, i was like, "ow!" [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, wow. and have you heard that noise
>> no, i haven't heard that. and then there was a guy by the name of john koncak, he was pretty good. but he signed $15 million for three years. $5 million a year. so i figure like, i can make that type of money just doing that, and that's when i really started focusing and really wanted to take my game to the next level. >> seth: that's great. >> so to the little twerp that looks like you and hit my knee, thanks. i love you. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: i want to finish. this is really important. "toys for tots", you're involved. shaq-a-clause. tell us about it. >> i've been involved with toys 'r' us for seven years now. a lot of people don't realize, but 15.5 million kids will wake up on christmas day and not receive one toy. so, you know, i've been with them and the marines "toys for tots", receiving cash donations, receiving money. we just want to try to make sure we take care of as many kids as possible. because i know what it feels like not to wake up and not receive one toy. one christmas, i thought i
great relationship. so he would come to me and say, "son, money ain't right this month, let me take care of your sisters first, they want the barbies and the houses, i'll take care of you next payday." i was like, "sure." so i woke up christmas morning, the girls are there playing with their girl stuff and i don't see no toys with my name. so i go in my room and i'm pretty sad and opens the door, hits me in the chest with an autographed doctor j basketball. that was my best christmas ever. >> seth: that's fantastic. [ applause ] >> thank you, buddy. appreciate it. as always. shaquille o'neal! check out the nba on tnt. we'll be right back with judith light.
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she also stars in the golden globe-winning amazon series "transparent", which returns for a second season on december 11th. let's take a look. >> hey, mrs. t! >> yeah. >> you don't by chance have a time line on this storage unit here, do you? >> no, why? >> rosa lee rollman issued a formal complaint about it to the condo board. >> rosa lee rollman can kiss my ass. she wants a special assessment for the pond? here's my special assessment for the facacta farshtunkene pond -- drain the [ bleep ]! >> glad to see you're working out. >> like we all need duck and goose [ bleep ] everywhere. >> seth: please welcome to the show, judith light!
>> seth: welcome, you look beautiful! >> thank you, i look just like shelly. >> seth: gorgeous. >> you know, it's so funny. i look at that clip and i say "who is that woman?" >> seth: it really is very different. >> and i have friends who say that to me, too. >> seth: yeah. well -- you know, i haven't obviously seen you in person, so -- and that's like now the most recent thing i'm familiar with you from. and to see you backstage, i'm like, "oh, no, this is not that lady." >> i know. well, it's true, because, you know, some people have said -- somebody said to me, "what are you doing recently?" and i said, "i'm doing this show for amazon prime, 'transparent'." and she said, "i know that show. i know everybody on that show." she said, "i have a client on that show." she said, "you're not on that show. who are you on that show?" she said, "are you the mother?" i said, "i'm the mother." [ laughter ] i'm the mother. >> seth: there you go. and you're an excellent mother on the show. >> thank you. >> seth: and the show is excellent. and it received, rightfully so, so much critical praise for its first season. and, again, it was about something -- a subject matter we weren't familiar with on
jeffrey tambor plays your ex-husband, who is going through this transition to be transgender. are you -- you must hear about it all of the time, not just from people who love the show based on good television, but who love it on a personal level and what it means to them. do you get tired of hearing all these nice things about it? >> no, i never -- no, i don't. and people come to up to me and they say, you know, "the show is really fabulous." and i say, "i know, isn't it incredible?" [ light laughter ] and then they say to me, "could you be a little more modest about it?" and i say, "i actually can't." i'm so -- i'm so proud of it. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm so proud to be a part of it. i think it's just -- i mean, jill soloway, who is the creator -- >> seth: who is just brilliant. >> she is just brilliant. and she is really a genius. and the way she holds it and the story she that wants to tell is something -- and something that she has always wanted to do, which is to change the culture. it's to change the way people think about people who may not be like them.
range, a much larger context to it than just the content of someone who is transgender. even though that's terribly important. >> seth: and i think it's important to say, in case people haven't seen it, because this show is incredibly important to the lgbt community, but it's also a really funny show about a family. and it's not -- i think the appeal of this show so extends past that community, who is very near and dear to you. but it's such a great show about family. and it makes sense because jill, of course, is writing about -- >> her parent. >> seth: her parent. >> that's right. >> seth: and her family. tell me about this, because i've been at table reads before and i've never heard of anything like this. but talk about the moment of gratitude that jill asks for. >> well, she's just -- she's amazing in that way. and what she said was, when we first started -- at the first table read that we ever had, jeffrey tambor and i, who have been in the business, both of us for a long time. >> seth: have you known each other for a really long time? >> we have known each other for a really long -- we started in repertory theatre together. >> seth: oh, my goodness. >> so, we have this very close
so the two of us turned to each other after the first table read of "transparent" and we both said we never -- this is the best table read we've ever been to in our entire careers. and what jill says at almost every single table read, she said, "i need us to take a moment of gratitude. because we get to do this. we get to change the culture. we get to change hearts and and so many times, she said -- people say we don't have enough money. and we don't have enough time. and we don't have -- we're losing the light, is the phrase in television. and she said, "we have enough money. and we have enough time." and she said, "we are the light." >> seth: that's perfect. >> we are so blessed and so lucky. and what a cast, i mean, really. [ applause ] >> seth: now, you -- you play the mother in this show. you play a jewish mother in this show. >> yes. >> seth: and let me just say, because i feel like the jewish mother has been so stereotyped over the years, they've become a
you are the best jewish mother i have ever seen on television. you are fantastic. you make it very real and you make it very funny. >> thank you. >> seth: and i did not grow up in a jewish family, but i married into one, and you guys are nailing it. [ laughter ] you guys are nailing it. yeah. >> people have said we are the most jewish show on television. >> seth: it is! >> sort of like -- you know, everybody forgets that that is part of this family, that is part of this story. >> seth: what i like about it, obviously this big thing is and it's great, because everyone is in everyone's business on the show. like there's nobody like doesn't want to hear about it. and that i will say, of the jewish family that i married into, i have found to be the case. people want to know everything about what's going on all of the time. >> all of the intimate details. >> seth: they would like to know what you're thinking and they would like you to put it into words. and they have a lot of time. [ laughter ] they're not in a rush. >> and you're at a meal with them, so they have a lot of time. >> seth: yes, they do. >> exactly. >> seth: well, congratulations.
and you're just wonderful. and it's so great to have you here. so give it up, everybody. judith light! [ cheers and applause ] "the re se raquin" is playing on broadway through early january. and the first episode of the new season of "transparent" is now available on amazon prime. the full season starts streaming on december 11th. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] look amazing. oh, you know what i was thinking? it's almost christmas! oh! yes! that's what all the lights are for, that's why they're dressed this way! and! where did you guys get your clothes? old navy. you know we've done like, zero christmas shopping. - zero shopping. - what are we going to do? we have to go shopping now. you should go, the entire store is up to 75% off. his hat was only three bucks. in order for us to go to old navy, you have to get off our lawn. we have another song! no, no... - come on let's go. - ok! just press clean and let roomba from irobot help with your everyday messes. roomba navigates your entire home cleaning up pet hair and debris for up to 2 hours.
a meyers family thanksgiving. starring larry, hilary and josh meyers. we'll play how well do you know your meyers and cooking with hilary meyers. and be sure to check us out on facebook for all things "late night." [ cheers and applause ] dunkin' donuts k-cups are available here at the grocery store. and people seem to be really excited about it. like, really excited.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody! our next guest tonight is a very funny comedian and an emmy-nominated writer who is best known for his work on "saturday night live." his new sketch comedy album "tasty radio" is available now for download on itunes and will be in stores december 18th. please welcome to the show, my very good friend, mike o'brien.
>> seth: they like that. yeah, they like that when you do a heart like that. >> audiences want to see this. [ laughter ] >> seth: so this is very exciting to have you on the show. you were a writer at "snl" when i was a writer at "snl." i got to actually call you to tell you, you were hired. i had known you in chicago. >> yeah. >> seth: and in chicago, you were pat o'brien. >> that's right. >> seth: and you auditioned as pat o'brien. >> i was in the witness protection at the time. [ light laughter ] >> seth: we hired you as pat o'brien, and then the first introducing you and i was like i writer, pat. and you said -- >> actually, it's mike o'brien. and -- seth is obsessed with this story. >> seth: i'm obsessed with it, because you -- >> because -- i'll tell you why it's 'cause when he was head writer, he was my boss. we didn't work together. you were my boss. >> seth: yeah. >> and you were a powerful, controlling -- >> seth: yeah? >> i mean, ask the band. [ laughter ] >> seth: and he does not want to be -- and so it would be like --
>> it looked like you didn't know my name. >> seth: i got the name wrong the first day. but you had -- so because you're -- full name. >> yeah. >> seth: and so you just decided start going by your middle name. >> yeah, i was working at second city and the person i was working with one day was like, "i go by my middle name, you can you don't have to go to court or anything." [ laughter ] and i was like, "well, then i'm pat o'brien." and i did that for like nine years and regretted it. i regretted it like a month in. [ laughter ] >> seth: you still do short films for "snl." >> yes. >> seth: they're fantastic, one of my personal favorites is the jay-z story, where you played jay-z. [ laughter ] tell me first -- because we have a clip. but what was the impetus behind it? >> oh, i think just that i would be bad at it. [ laughter ] but, yeah. >> seth: here we have a photo. here you are with jay pharoah, as jay-z. and it looks -- [ laughter ] i don't know if you were bad at it. let's take a look at a clip from --
"the jay-z story." >> you look a little down. what's on your mind, man? >> i think i might try to stop selling cocaine. >> and do what? >> i think i might try to be a rapper. >> sean, that's an excellent idea! >> i should head back to marcy projects. you know what trains are around here? >> you should take the j or the z. >> you just gave me an idea about what my fake name could be, you son of a gun. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: excellent. now that -- that's a hit right there. that is a hit. >> yeah. >> seth: but not -- as a writer on "snl," they can't all be hits. >> no. >> seth: you had one of my great not a hit sketches of all-time. unicorns. >> yes. can i say something real quick about jay-z? that reminded me of that -- we went to the actual marcy project. >> seth: oh, that's right, to shoot. >> and we shot, and the cameraman at one moment,
backwards in front of me. and he was like, "look around, look to your right, look to your left, try to look cool." and unbeknownst to him, like 12 young -- youngsters came out and immediately clocked, like "what the heck is going on and right as we got to them, he said, "now start rapping." [ laughter ] and i said, "i'm not going to do [ laughter ] i don't want to do that. >> seth: this is a bad time for rapping. >> yeah, yeah, they're not going to like -- they already don't like me. [ laughter ] but sorry, yeah. >> seth: yeah, so "unicorn," i will say -- i have a place in my heart for this sketch. i love it so much. at the table read, it's one of my -- i laughed so hard. and it was for the betty white show. >> you said it might have gotten me rehired my second year, which, getting through the first year is hard, and i didn't have an amazing first year. and maybe -- so it was good on wednesday. >> seth: good on wednesday. explain the concept behind "unicorn," real quick.
unicorn veterinarian who is having to break the news to a birthday party of 12-year-old girls that all of the unicorns they just got are going to have to be euthanized, because they have eye infections. [ laughter ] and mostly she's annoyed when they interrupt her about, like, "oh, don't euthanize --" she's like, "let me finish my whole spiel." >> seth: and how would you say it went at dress rehearsal? >> i would say it went bad. [ laughter ] i would say it went the most silent of any sketch ever. and the whole week was kind of awful. i mean, her manager at one point was screaming at me. he was like, "we want nothing to do with any cruelty to animals!" and i was like, "well, we're not going to hurt any real unicorns." [ laughter ] and i'll tell you why. [ laughter ] >> seth: it was -- it was a lot of talk about that. and i remember, like, having to stress they were mythical creatures. [ light laughter ] but i will say, that dress rehearsal and air, as well, betty white was murdering like
people were laughing so hard, the building was shaking. >> it was the betty white/jay-z show. a huge show. >> seth: and then all of a sudden, "unicorn" started and we were just like, "here we go." >> i remember that you and lorne and everybody just left. you guys were like, "we have so much work to do." i mean, you didn't say this. but i assumed you meant "we love the sketch, we love you, but we're going to get to work on what the real show is going to be." >> seth: and you can watch "unicorn." >> yeah. >> seth: you have -- so this comedy album is very exciting, because this is -- a lot of stand-up albums are out, but this is a sketch comedy album. >> yes. >> seth: what inspired you to do sort of a sketch comedy album as opposed to anything that's a little bit more conventional? >> well, i grew up with sandler's albums. did you listen to those growing up? >> seth: yeah, of course. >> i loved all those in high school. we would listen to them to death. and when i became more knowledgeable about comedy, i got into nichols and may and loved those albums. and so, yeah. we have so many leftover sketches when you're writing at
>> seth: yep, fred is on the album. >> seth meyers is on the album. and you got, like -- scarlett johansson's on it. it's really fun. >> yeah. sudekis, tons of great guests. >> seth: you said there's some sketches that maybe didn't fit on "snl." >> yes. >> seth: and you have -- because these are ones i remember you pitching over the years that like didn't quite work. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. the idea real quick. failures. >> seth: so sex number. >> yeah. well, so this is based on a real thing that happened. in the offices when we were all hanging out. one of the hosts was hanging out with us, and she was like, "hey, everyone --" we were all bonding. she was like, "everyone in the room should go around and say how many people they've slept with, starting with you." and pointing to the girl next to her and the girl was like, "54." [ audience ohs ] and then it went around and everyone else is like four,
and the first girl was like, "why did you start with me? [ laughter ] i wouldn't have said that. i would have lied! are your guys real?" so that was -- >> seth: that was the sketch. i think that has legs. clown meat? >> clown meat is that millionaires are starting to take up a new delicacy, which is eating clowns, like birthday clowns and stuff. >> seth: what else is there? they need something -- like a rush. >> yeah, like cougars and stuff are boring. so they eat clowns and the way they hunt them is they drive up to a clown, birthday clown or something, and they're like, "hey, man, you want an ipad? get in the car." [ laughter ] >> seth: i think that's a good one too. >> and they get to eat 'em. that one didn't work. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that's maybe not for "snl." >> it works. >> seth: yeah. >> we'll see. >> seth: and lastly i want to talk about seven minutes in heaven. this is your web series. i got to do it once. >> yes. >> seth: you bring a guest into
minutes. [ laughter ] >> yeah, and like the junior high game, you -- at the end you try to make out with them. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> it's a very -- >> seth: closest guest you've come to making out with? i guess you have made out with some. >> i've made out with -- i basically make out with all of them, bud. [ laughter ] >> seth: you didn't make out with me. >> i got what i needed. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: thank you for being here, buddy. >> thank you. >> seth: mike o'brien, everybody! "tasty radio" is available for download now and will be in stores december 18th. we'll be right back.